mOon$hyn

(sorry, i'm a bit pissed off because i already wrote this really long and wonderful post but it didn't go through and i lost it... grr... but here goes...)

[b]nothing beats the first kiss[/b]. true. my guy has never looked more happy and flushed when we kiss than he did the first time we smooched. and i've never been more giddy than i was then. there are times though when some kisses are almost as good as the first :lol:

i was supposed to see this movie with some of my girlfriends last week but wasn't able to but i finally got to watch it with my guy yesterday.

[b]i loved it![/b] drew barrymore is so loveable and adam sandler is just such a ladies' man. and they have chemistry. they are so effective together on-screen.

there's really such a thing as losing the faculty for short-term memory. losing the ability to create new memories. i guess, Lucy should just be greatful that she has her memories from before the accident happened. but i have to read up on the illness more. to find out how (real) people and their familis cope with the condition. imagine if it happens to a young child. how will she grow up? i guess learning is not impaired, but i'm not so sure...

not a lot of people can find that kind of love. the love that patiently waits and does not take advantage of the other. true and pure love.

unconditional love can sometimes be tiring. because you love with all your heart without expecting anything in return. adam sandler's character's love was un-tiring. he has made it his quest to make drew fall in love with him everyday of their lives. he is so patient. so loving. he stood by her and held her hand as she thread through unknown grounds. he dedicated his life to her. he LOVED her when others would have walked out knowing they could never have a future with her. only today. every night he slept knowing that in the morning, he would go through it all over again. that he will have to introduce himseld, to remind her that he loves her. and to make her fall in love again. and yet, he did not give up. not even when he could walk away anytime and she wouldn't even know it.

but that's the easy part.

it's more frightening to not remember falling in love. to wake up each day and be reminded of a terrible accident that even your brain has prevented itself to have any imprints of. it is scary to have people tell you that life has gone on while you were still stuck to one singe day. there is nothing more frightening than knowing that you only have the past, and today to live, and no future to really, really look forward to. she must dread sleeping at night, knowing that the next time she opens her eyes, she will have no memory of how happy she was the previous day. there must be some days when she could not see the point of being happy because she knows she won't remember feeling so the next day. there were times when she must have felt so alone. so detached.

but there is nothing more comforting than the knowledge of someone who loves her so much. it must comfort her to hold henry's hand. to know that though she won't remember anything that happens today, that he will be around to tell her, to remind her. that he will still be there to love her and make her fall in love with him again. henry/adam is not only a partner or a lover. he is Lucy's guide. her pillar. because of him, the night is less scary. sleeping is less frightening. i guess Lucy is able to sleep soundly every night because she knows that her henry, and her family, will be around the next morning to hold her hand again. that they will be there to remind her of the life that she has.

i know that if it was me in her place, i'd be so frightened. so afraid of the uncertainty. that there would be more bad days than good. but i know too that having a family who understands and someone who truly loves me will make all the difference in the world.

though she forgets everyday that she's married, that she has a daughter. or that she even knows henry. the imprint of the love will always remain in her soul. and i guess that makes it easier to remember. easier to fall in love all over again each day.

the mind may forget but the heart never does. loving is in the realm of the heart. and learning to love may be in another part of the brain. though a part of the brain ceases to function, the others go on. and there will always be the memory of love. for the memory of love, of happiness, of being, can never be forgotten

[b]A[/b] - Age: [i]23[/i] in July
[b]B[/b] - Boylet: none. Boyfriend: [i]alfred[/i]
[b]C[/b] - Chore you hate: "least like" na lang - [i]magwalis/sweeping[/i]
[b]D[/b] - Dad's name: [i]danny[/i]
[b]E[/b] - Essential make up item: [i]lip gloss[/i]
[b]F [/b]- Favourite place in the house: [i]living room[/i]
[b]G[/b] - Gold or silver: [i]silver[/i]
[b]H[/b] - Hometown: [i]St. Andrew's Seminary, QC[/i]
[b]I [/b]- Instruments you play: [i]piano, guitar[/i]
[b]J[/b] - Job title: [i]training assistant[/i]
[b]K[/b] - Kids: [i]love 'em. :) [/i]
[b]L[/b] - Living arrangements: [i]with mom, dad, and kuya. extended family next door(s)[/i]
[b]M [/b]- Mom's name: [i]laura bernice (LB)[/i]
[b]N[/b] - Number of people you slept with: [i]hmm... in what way? slept NEXT to? hehe :) [/i]
[b]O[/b] - Overnight hospital stays: 0
[b]P[/b] - Phobia: [i]none that i know yet[/i]
[b]Q[/b] - Quote you like: [i]"to infinity and beyond!" - buzz lightyear (does this count?) la ko maisip e.[/i]
[b]R[/b] – Revered Person/s: [i]my mom and dad (do they count?) revered person/s... basta nakikibaka ng taos sa puso at walang halong kaplastikan. mga taong tunay na nagsisilbi sa Diyos, sa kapwa, at sa bayan at hindi sa sarili, pero kayang ipaglaban ang sarili. [/i]
[b]S[/b] – Scary experience: [i]flight back home after my first ever trip to a foreign land, biglang nagdive(?) yung plane... can't describe it... caused by a tail-end storm[/i]
[b]T[/b] - Time you wake up?: [i]6-7 am[/i]
[b]U[/b] - Unique habit: wouldn't know...
[b]V[/b] - Vegetable you refuse to eat: [i]used to be ampalaya and togue but not anymore... [/i]
[b]W[/b] - Worst habit: [i]procrastination[/i]
[b]X[/b] - X-rays you've had: [i]chest xray sa UP infirmary[/i]
[b]Y[/b] - Yummy food you make: [i]brownies, cheesecake brownies, chocolate cheesecake, blueberry chzcake, chocolate cake/cupcake... [/i]
[b]Z[/b] - Zodiac Sign: [i]cancer][/i]

being around my grade school classmates has led me to look back at who i was when they knew me. i was already on the chubby side even when i was a young girl. i was pretty, of course. :lol: i was one of the tallest girls in class too. and i guess i had my fairshare of admirers :P and i was a leader: a girlscout, student council president, schoolpaper EIC.

one interesting comment i got from charmaine, which jeny, everth and jason agreed to, was that me and my friends back then were, like, on a different level. that we were somewhat aloof to those outside our circle. according to jason, my friends and i were on the top floor, they were on the floor below it, or on the basement.

i don't think so! i had a lot of friends then. even from the other sections. jason himself was a friend even then. but i must admit, we kinda had a world of our own, my old friends and i. but you see, we sat next to each other. we were next to each other at the back of lines/queues. we spent a lot of time together. talked a lot. shared answers. hehe.

anyway, we're all like good friends now. as if we belonged to one big barkada in gradeschool. and it's a good thing too. :lol:

one difference is that, i am no longer exactly "tall." i stopped growing taller sometime in highschool. i don;t know why, but it also happened at the same time i started putting on weight. my growth was lateral instead of on a vertical plane. haha :lol: i'm still pretty and smart though :D

i was also asked why i left trinity in highschool. this was asked of me more than once. i believe it was the pressure to excel, to lead, to be a good girl, that pushed me away. i was so afraid of entering highschool with the huge baggage of my classmates' and teachers' expectations on my back. i wanted to go somewhere where i could be inconspicuous. for the most part, i found that in sjc.

sometimes i feel like i missed out on some things by leaving trinity college. specially when i miss my old friends, being a girlscout, and the boys. :wink: but i don't regret leaving either. and if i had to make the decision again, i would still choose to leave.

sheila was with us last night. i think she was one of my first bestfriends ever. we were classmates since pre-school days. we grew apart through the years and had separate groups of friends as we went on through grade school, but we remained friends. as i would like to think. :) we totally lost contact in highschool through college. and it was the first time we saw each other again in 10 years. she looks so much prettier now. she grew taller too.

she inspires me to look better, too. heehee :D

thanks to ceeceesun, i've come across this great site for people who are looking for much needed support for their weight loss programs. great site for me :lol:

i am still exploring the site and trying to learn as much as i can from it and the experiences of its administrators and members. i still don't know how i can maximize the suggestions and the materials they have, but i have a feeling that this can be something to help me go farther along in my quest for a healthier body. :wink:

oh yeah, check it out at [url=http://www.3fatchicks.com]3fatchicks[/url]

i've registered to use their message boards and i'm still thinking of signing up for their journals....

i still haven't had the opportunity to test drive my bathing suit. hopefully i can tomorrow (sunday) morning.

this morning, after a fun night with my gradeschool batchmates, we decided to end our gimik night by going to the baywalk for breakfast and to see the sunrise. unfortunately, we did not see the sunrise because the sun was already up when we got there. heehee. :lol: it was nice to look at the sea again. an unobstructed view of Manila Bay and the passing boats or the docked ones. there were young boys taking a dip on the clear but smelly water.

it was a peaceful end to a night out with friends. a peaceful start to a new day.

we didn't get to have breakfast though. all we had to eat was [i]taho[/i]. yummy! and we listened to the music that served as background for the aerobics session that was ongoing. it's a free exercise thingie available for anyone who wants to join in. it looked like fun. looked to me as though it was one of those workouts that combined aerobics and jazz, or something like that. would be nice to go back there to work out sometime. :) but i would need to drag my parents there too, though. cause i don't drive. and it would be difficult to commute so early and still be back home early enough to prepare for work.

earlier this week, i bought me a bathing suit! nothing too revealing though because i'm not THAT comfortable with my skin yet. it's a one piece suit in dark blue. with (what do you call them?) some design on the sides. i look good in it. it hides much of my big tummy. hehe :D

it's been soooo long since i last fit into a bathing suit. sooo long since i last wore one to swim. i used to love swimming, i still do. my dad and i used to go night swimming at this hotel near our area.

it's good exercise. and i really believe that i wasn't to huge before because of our night swimming. and ive always wanted to go back to the hobby but being so huge has prevented me because i look so gross in a suit. now that i'm seriously trying to lose weight, i found it fitting to buy a swimsuit so i could go to this olympic sized pool at the stadium near here and do some laps every now and then.

can't wait.

last night's american idol episode that was shown on Star World was about the rejects. i've always wondered who that William Hung was that was the most searched topic on yahoo, but i never bothered to look at the sites. when i saw him on the show last night, it all came back to me. my whole family has watched the show since it started being aired here a couple of weeks (month?) ago and Hung was one of those who auditioned that was really memorable. my dad, in particular, was so amused by him. "she bangs, she bangs! yeah baby, she moves, she moves!" :lol:

but the thing is, he is not bitter about being rejected. specially so because being a reject has already changed his life dramatically. he is so popular now and has been invited to guest at several TV talk shows.

but that's not really my point.

some of the other rejects are indeed good singers, or at least, they sang better during last night's show than they did on their auditions. i say SOME, not all. like that army girl. she could be a great entertainer. but maybe not american idol type. maybe not for a pop star. and there was another guy that's also good. but maybe he's more suitable as a theater actor/singer.

anyway... it's really surprising how many of those who auditioned for american idol really have no talent for singing. i mean, there are also competitions here in the philippines that are similar to american idol, and i don't think that young people who CAN'T sing even bother to audition. contests to become TV actors are another thing though, because even those who can't act audition for those.

but perhaps i'm wrong. i guess people who can't sing will still audition for something like the american idol if they think it is their ticket to stardom. in societies where there is much desperation, and getting rich is the only way out, showbusiness and politics are the only sure fire tickets to paradise. or death. or working abroad. and it does not matter whether one has no talent for singing or acting, or that one has no experience nor background in governance and/or law-making.

but let me go back to William Hung. i was wondering if he is aware that people find him amusing, even funny. i guess he is. and i guess that because he has such a good outlook in life, it doesn't matter to him whether a lot of people were initially laughing at him. because no one is laughing now, i guess. people now like watching him, because he's a good person to see to forget the troubles of the day. and just like any other comedian, he entertains.

he said that he's a struggling singer. and that he struggles with most anything in his life. don't we all? that's one thing that endears him to so many people. his honesty. plus the fact that his "struggle" so mirrors the struggles of so many young people today. but his attitude is something that not many possess, and there he can sure teach a lot of us.

if there's one thing we can learn from Hung, it's that we don't have to be a LOSER in life even if we are rejected by certain people or certain groups. LOSER is an attitude and a brand one gives oneself.

was up for more than 24 hours yesterday (until this morning). spent more than 12 hours reconnecting with old friends.

had a really great time. saw grade school classmates that i haven't seen for 9-10 years! and it was like, so comfortable to be around them again. fun learning about what they've been up to, and stuff like that.

we hung out at Bargo at eastwood until 2 in the morning. then on to a friend's place till morning. there was like 14 of us at eastwood by 12am. jenylyn had with her our class pictures, it was a lot fun looking through them, seeing how we looked like more than ten years ago. and discovering that jazzyl was absent from school the day our 5th grade class picture was taken. hehe :lol:

and jason, the guest of honor (hehe!), looks so much different now from the way he used to... 'nuff said. i do too. look different, i mean.

anliza was there, of course. i probably wouldn't have gone if she didn't. we took the opportunity to have much needed talk. about stuff. her stuff and my stuff. we could have gone home at around 2am but decided to go to a friend's place to have more time to talk. and talk we did. the others helped a lot too. hearing their piece about particular questions helped put some things into a certian perspective.

but my night out made matters with alfred a bit more unsteady. my fault, i agree. i did not tell him i wasn't going home till morning. not that i did not want to, more like i couldn't. i won't do it next time. anyway, he was already at work by the time i got home... but we've talked about it a bit already. and he's coming over tomorrow so we could talk about the many issue swirling around our relationship these days...

back to my grade school friends. i was glad i went. didn't think i would have such a good time with them cause i wasn't so close (as in barkada) with most of them back in grade school. only anliza, and i guess jason, were really what i would call 'friends.' jazzyl and everth were also highschool classmates of mine, so there was something more we shared that also makes us 'friends.' so i discovered how good friends cha, jenylyn, and the other guys could be. hindi na lang hi and hello ang masasabi namin sa emails and ym chats. i hope.

the exact quote should be: "When you hurt people, they begin to love you a little less. That's what careless words do, they make people love you a little less."

that was what rahel's mom told her after she said something that cut through her mom's heart. in a way, i understand this. specially when alfred and i get into a fight. i've always told him that he says a lot of things when we fight, things that he could have chosen not to say because they truly hurt me. i remember telling him that sometimes there are things that are better left unsaid, specially if one expects to continue a relationship with that person. that some things are only said when there is no more hope.

it happened again today. but this time, it was my words that were really hurtful. though he also told me things that hurt me, i know that what i said hurt him most than anything i have ever done to him before. but i only said them because he forced me too. and he did not take it too well. not well at all.

so now, we are unofficially not together anymore. :cry:

if people begin to love you a little less everytime you hurt them, is it possible to hurt someone so many times that no love survives? none at all?

perhaps love is still there, but numbness is the feeling that lingers. or one is just too numb to feel the love anymore.

if our relationship was expensive glassware, like a tall glass or something like that, i can't decide whether it'c cracked or already broken into pieces. just like i couldn't decide whether i no longer care or am i just numb?

one thing's for sure though, i am not happy.

so there was estha, one hand holding a bottle of lemon fizz, another holding the orangedrink lemondrink man's so-so. as he finished his drink, white egg white gushed out of the man's so-so. estha was being abused by the man, and he didn't know it. he could have told his mom that the man had done something to it. but perhaps being young as he was, he did not know what to do. or he was afraid to do it.

estha is a character in the book i had already mentioned. it was such a traumatic experience for him, it could well have changed his life, his future.

this made we wonder how many more children are out there whose rights are being abused but they do not know that they could and should tell someone about it. how will a child know if he/she is being abused? that he/she should say no, and then run?

empowerment of children!!! :lol:

rahel, on the other hand, said something that angered her mother. careless words hurt and make others love us less. it was somehwat traumatic for the young girl too. she wondered if her mom would ever be the same to her again, or if she loves her less.

wounds caused by words. wounds caused by very unfortunate events. wounds of abuse. and vague memories that do not want to be recalled. these are all difficult to deal with.

everybody needs time alone. we all need to have time for and by ourselves. last week, i allowed my boyfriend some breathing room. he asked for it, and though i couldn't understand why, at first, i agreed. not that there was anything i could do. but the reason why i let him be was that he had given me his assurance that it wasn't about me, or our relationship, that he needed the break for. he needed some time to sort things out for himself. time to sort through a mess that he did.

yesterday, the time alone thing was finally over. finally. as promised, after his work, he went to my workplace and tinkered on our desktop PC that has been acting up all week. in exchange, we treated him to dinner.

we had a chance to talk too. i finally understood why the week had to go the way it did. i think i actually understood all along, i sometimes just refuse to accept that there are times i cannot or should not help him with his burdens. it's just that eversince we've been together (4 years now), i've always prided myself in always being there for him. for being there to help lighten his load. not that he's problematic, but he's been through a lot.

and i really missed him. but it was such a comfort to hear him say he missed me too :lol:

i think it's a good idea to periodically set aside time for oneself. when i was younger, the time i spent writing in my journal was a great opportunity for introspection. to listen to myself think. to allow myself to feel happy or sad or angry. i even used to talk to myself (now that's a bit weird. hehe)

and i didn't realize it until the day was almost over. well, for the first time in a long time, i have nothing to say about anything!

ah, but i do. two of the closest people to my heart are going through something. one is open about it to me. the other isn't. but they're kinda going through the same thing, in a way. so listening to one, and talking things through with her, kinda helps me understand the other.

depressing. really. :cry:

good thing i have tennis to look forward to in the morning. and another day to be spent in three cities. hehe :lol: