mOon$hyn

Indeed, Saturday's tragedy has jolted everyone back to reality.

For awhile now, society has been too busy on politics. on feuds. on arguing whether or not a change in government structure or amending the constitution would be the answer to the crisis the country is beset with. we have spent too much time yakking about the government that the real problems of the people seem to have been overlooked. it is precisely to watch out for the interests of the public, and to institute policies safeguarding them that the government is in place. what then happens if the problem lies within government after all? what do we do when the problem-solvers and policy-makers turn out to be the main problem? where do people run to?

the desperate turn to their faith. they offer all their pains and all their hopes to God. they wait for miracles. others strive to make the miracle happen. there are those who simply give up, tired of living from day to day to day, never knowing how tomorrow will come. as for the tens of thousands who were at the Ultra for Wowowee's first anniversary: TV game shows are the way to go. after all, they have nothing to lose by banking on their luck. they pin their hopes on the show's host. they pray hard that they can join the contest so they can win either the cash prize or the livelihood showcase or the passenger tricycle or jeep they can use to eke out a living.

everyday, from Mondays thru Saturdays, the ABS-CBN studios are host to a long queue of people. some of them stay outside the gates overnight just so they can be first on the line. they come by the hundreds, thousands even. they don't all get to join in as studio contestants, and certainly, they don't all get to take home the money. still, they come everyday.

in terms of ratings, and TV audience share, they say Wowowee has not yet toppled it's staunchest rival: the long-running noontime show Eat Bulaga. yet one cannot deny that Wowowee does not lack of sponsors from where the prizes come from. one cannot deny the number of people who wish to be part of the show. i have seen that wowowee is not patronized for its entertainment value, and certainly not for the jokes it's host is known for, but for the hope it brings to the impoverished. they make it look easy to make money.

it was no surprise that when the prizes for the first anniversary were announced, and the venue was revealed, people started flocking five days before the actual event. they came to mark their stakes. with their extra clothes and packs of food, they come. they sleep on the sidewalks. make friends with fellow hopefuls. suffer the scorn of the upperclass who live in the vicinity of the event venue. they stay until the gates open for them. all that for a chance at fortune.

but as luck would have it, disaster struck. the eagerness and excitement could not be contained. perhaps the people were afraid they won't be let in. maybe they thought that the closing of the gate meant that their dreams were being shot down. and so they rushed and pushed forward. chaos reigned over a disciplined and orderly entry to the venue. the rest was survival of the fittest. the very young and the elderly were left to be the casualties.

i believe though that had they known that their lives would be the trade-off for the prize their families would receive, they still would have gone through with it. such was the desperation. and such was the hope that the show brought into their lives. but none would have thought that such a thing could happen. no. no one anticipated that there even was a remote chance that it would happen. but it did.

and now people are looking for someone to blame.

no, the people who were there, nor the families of the victims, would dare point a finger to the show's organizers. specially since the network immediately stepped up to take responsibility of all medical and funeral expenses of the 200-300 injured and 80 dead. they are opening themselves to abuse. surely, some will take advantage of the help that is pouring in. but that's another matter. government is desperate to step into the picture to show that they're doing something. they say they will make sure that justice won't be denied. but what is justice in this case? is it to punish abs-cbn for not taking enough precautions for crowd control? is it to reprimand the police for not taking charge of crowd control? is it to sanction the security guards in the venue for closing the gate for what they thought would be a chance for getting order?

i don't understand what justice the government is looking for.

one would have thought that this tragedy would bring to fore the needs of the common tao. One would have thought that there is no sweeter justice than for poverty alleviation mechanisms to be set in place. One could dream that more programs that provide the very same hope that Wowowee brings could be set up and be accessible to the people who need it. 

the lives lost need not have been lost in vain. what better way to honor their memory than to setup social welfare programs that would address the very situation that drove them to wowowee?

but what would i know?

*i was hoping i could link this post to a news article posted about the tragedy but i couldn't find an appropriate one. i'll keep looking.

it's like seeing a long lost friend after years of no communication. honestly, that's how i felt when i found my old tblog again.

i still don't know why i couldn't access my posts before. or why the blog came up blank when anyone browsed to it. but it doesn't matter now.

just like old friends, i've accepted the fact that i can't change anything in the past. i just embrace the present we now have, and look forward to the future.

you think i'm over-reacting? have you ever lost a diary? or written something that meant a lot and then lost it? or thought something, then blogged about it to be kept stored somewhere in the net for retrieval at a later time but learned that you couldn't access it? that was how i felt. i was so frustrated i moved to another blog hosting site.

now, i am here again, and my posts are there. and the last decent post i had was of my grandmother. she died a few months after that post.

anyway, i still haven't decided if i'd be posting on tblog again or mirror my bravejournal here or what.

we'll see.

test

... that the hospital was really wrong to send my grandmother away, only to let her back in. it was really such an added stress to everyone, specially for my grandmother who had to travel when she was really not feeling well. besides, hers was an emergency case, she needed blood ASAP, and she was treated like that. and get this, we were more than willing to pay for it! not because we had so much money, but because we were willing to do what it takes to get her the treatment she needs. there was a point when the doctor asked my grandpa where we were going to get the money to pay for her bills, my grandpa said "kahit mangutang kami hanggang sa dulo ng mundo" (we'll borrow money to the ends of the earth!). that was my grandpa trying to be funny. :wink: as i said, they have retiree benefits that would cover the expenses.

my uncles, my mom, and some friends, had to pull strings to get the hospital to guarantee that even if my grandmother gets private care for now, she will still be eligible for the social service privileges when they get their funds back next week. because we really need that SS program.

suffice it to say, my grandma's doctors were quite infuriated with the ER doctors that let her go the previous night. we all are.

and my grandmother kept on saying she had travelled so much that night that she is so tired. and so many needles have been poked into her too. i just hope she gets better.

i hope my blood screens out fine too. that it is acceptable for transfusion. so many people came forward to volunteer their blood too. we are very greatful that we have so many friends. that so many people care about my grandmother too. she needs a minimum of 10 units of platelets and RBC, i think. 10 people had donated blood last night. there are more who are willing, should she need more or if some of those who donated do not screen out fine.

it was a different experience for me too. taking my grandmother to the hospital and staying with her till she was settled in. and donating blood. i'm glad i stayed. i'm not looking forward to doing it again though. because i would rather that my grandma stayed healthy and well. but with her illness, it is a reality we have to face. that she will be in pain again, and perhaps will need more blood. maybe in a month or two. but we will still be here for her.

my grandmother's in the hospital again. it was such a terrible experience for her. :( we already know that she is suffering from an illness that requires her to have regular check ups and blood transfusions every once in a while. she was filling really restless on thursday evening so she was brought to the ER for treatment. they said she needed blood transfusion asap. but the hospital refused to admit her!! you see, my grandparents are under this Social Service program of the hospital that gives them privileges like free check ups and discounts for hospitalization and other medical benefits. but the thing is, the SS program is low on resources right now. the doctors at the ER said that funds for SS patients won't be in until June. so that was just fine. but since my grandma needed immediate attention, the family was quite willing to go private and be a paying patient. specially since my grandparents also have retirement benefits from the church that entitles them to medical coverage too. but the doctors refused to take her in! they said it was because if they took her in as a private patient, her SS privileges would be taken away for good. but that was unfair! specially since it wasn't our fault that the SS does not have funds for now.

so after almost 6 hours in the ER, after a number of tests and a 6000+ pesos bill, my grandmother was discharged and transfer orders were given. my uncles took her to other hospitals but there wasn't type O blood available either. and the last hospital they went to agreed to take her in but she had to just come back earlier the next morning with blood donors in tow. so at around 3am, my grandma was back home.

and there i was in our living room, trying to get some sleep. you see, i was due to wake up at 415 am to get ready for an office outing that required me to be at the office at 6am. i was gonna take one of my nieces with me to this overnight trip. i was awakened by my the door closing after my mom. she had just been on the phone with my uncle. she was really agitated by what has been happening, specially with the fact that my very sick grandmother had to be taken all over the place because the nearest and the best hospital refused to take her. so i asked how things were and she told me. i told her i was type O. and so she got it into her that perhaps i should forego the office outing and stay to donate blood. of course i would be willing to donate blood, specially for my grandma. but i was also thinking that my blood might not be accepted because i had slept late and had woken up too early. i was awake till about 430 am trying to found out where we could get the much needed blood, and to find willing donors. and of course, i had decided to stay and donate too.

at around 530, i was up again for breakfast and a bath. we took my grandma to this hospital at around 630. straight to the emergency room. she had been there the previous night too. they wouldn't admit her either unless we knew a doctor that works in that hospital, and my cousin who was talking to the hospital didnt know any. and if she just picked a name out of a list, we would be charged 20% more! luckily, my dad had an aunt who had a clinic in that hospital, but she was an ob-gyne, not a hematologist. so we called her up and she referred us to a hema specialist. so with that settled, we were given admission order and a series of tests were on their way before we could be able to determine how much blood my grandma needed, and what kind.

so... about 3 or so hours later... i had a call from my brother saying my grandma should be tranferred back to her original hospital. that should have relieved us, but it didn't. because it meant we had to pull her out the hospital we were already in. and the doctors there had been really nice to us. and the already administered an ECG and blood was being taken for CBC. in short, things were going along just fine. anyway, my cousin and i managed to speak to the doctors and my grandma was discharged after some time. our bill wasn't so big too. really cheap actually. specially compared to the 6000+ bill of the previous night.

so anyway, my grandma was finally settled in at this hospital near home, at around 12 noon. i was able to donate bloOD around 4pm. 1 bag, about 250cc of blood was taken from me. was a bit woozy and really sleepy afterwards. i had my dad pick me up eventhough i could have easily walked the few blocks to our house. but i really was feeling a bit woozy. as we arrived home, my 2 yr old nephew greeted me, and i carried him. and he was sweet because he saw the bandages on my arms where the needles went.

anyway, i slept soundly from 5pm to about 10pm. haha. and at 1130, i was again in deep slumber :wink:

if anyone hasn't noticed, i have a new link on my blog. it's a link to this wonderful person's blog. you can read all about her and her sweetness [url=http://www.forever-tequila.ne...]here[/url]. check it out. now, if only my blog was half as pretty as hers, eh? maybe i'd write more coherent thought and have more comments. haha. :D

anyway, i also have other links on my blog worth checking out, so please do. :) i don't get anything when you click on 'em links. all i get is the knowledge that some people have found these great links to some pretty amazing people.

hmm... i'm rambling aren't i? too many things on my mind... not functioning well... ahhh

this afternoon, i was in this other office that kinda used to be my favorite hangout cause it was where i used to volunteer. anyway, the lady boss there noticed my new hair-do for the first time cause it was the first time she saw me since i had my historical haircut the other week. i had taken a picture of me today, and maybe i can post it sometime soon...

anyway, she kept on saying my hair looks good and that i looked real nice today. slimmer. :lol: yipee! it isn't just me! i really am looking great! (not that i haven't always looked great :D )

today is the day that new pages in the history of the philippines will be written. may 10, 2004 presidential elections. people are out to vote for a president, a vice president, 12 senators, and local officials (mayor, governor, etc.).

i am not one of them. i am not voting. and this makes me sad. :(

i was not able to register to vote. i can make a lot of excuses for not being able top register, but really, there's no excuse. nothing short of near-death is an excuse.

today, people are making a choice of whether to give the encumbent president the 6-year mandate to rule the land, or to give the king of philippine movies the driver's seat. there are three other candidates vying for the top seat in the government, but really, the fight all boils down to these two: president gloria macapagal-arroyo and fernando poe, jr. (erap's best friend and co-actor).

if i was going out to vote today, i would have spent the previous week pondering so hard on who to give my precious vote for. FPJ is not even an option for me. he has no experience in governance, and he has no clear platform of government that i think he truly comprehends. he did not even agree to a 3 minute interview by a major network just to answer 5 questions because he does not want surprise questions, he cannot answer without a script. and he does not speak, stand, nor act like a statesman. he acts unbecoming of a president. even his wife speaks better in public. Ping Lacson is also out of the question. he has a very hard heart. he is accused of being one of the torturers during martial law. and he appears to be capable of ruling with an iron hand. Raul Roco would have been my logical choice. but lately, he has seemed to me as one who only wants the limelight. he dwells on mudslinging. he's a politician. Bro. Eddie Villanueva seems to be someone who is sincere and who will rule with God in the center of his government. but, he also show signs of being capable of nepotism and that is not good. even if he won't be corrupt, who says his family would not? besides, i think he's being a bit too righteous at times. but i must admit that he brings a spark of hope. then there is GMA. i admit that she is the most likely candidate to win. and she probably would have won my vote. because she has the track-record and the right attitude. she might not have always done the right decisions, but i believe that given the people's mandate, she will govern well.

ah, if only i could vote.

i saw the lunar eclipse earlier today. i have not been feeling so well. real bad actually. i was so tired coming from quiapo with raechelle and UN yesterday. i was feverish by evening. by the time i went home, i was feeling so sick i did not get to do anything before i fell asleep on the couch. i tossed and turned all evening, until about 330 am when i decided to go up to my room. as i turned my lights off, my attention was drawn to what lay beyond my window, and there the moon was, in all its shadowy glory. :)

i've always loved looking up at the moon. i really like the moon. and i couldn't help but think that the eclipse had something to do with my feeling so down. OR NOT! :lol:

bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens...

hay... the sound of music is on at the disney channel. loved seeing it as a child. and i still have most of the songs memorized.

anyway, time for silly questions... :lol:

If I were a month I would be:
~ May. wonderful things happen in May

If I were a day of the week I would be:
~ Thursday. you know you still have today and friday to finish the work you put off earlier this week and you also know that friday is the only day that stands between you and the weekend

If I were a time of day I would be:
~ 22:00 hours. 10pm. i think straight at this hour.

If I were a planet I would be:
~ Pluto, so far out, but never forgotten

If I were a direction I would be:
~ west, where the sun goes home to sleep. oh, and where does the moon shine?

If I were liquid I would be:
~ water. gives life. sustains life. overcomes even the tallest buildings.

If I were a tree I would be:
~ acacia. along acad oval. or fire tree para nakakaganda sa landscape

If I were a plant I would be:
~ bamboo. tall. unbowed. useful.

If I were a kind of weather I would be:
~ cool weather. not sunny, quite windy, but not wet.

If I were a musical instrument, I would be:
~ a grand piano. for its massiveness. hehe. no, for the different genres that can be played on it. classical, pop, rock, everything.

If I were an animal, I would be:
~ an elephant. large but lovely. big but sweet.

If I were a color, I would be:
~ all the shades of purple/violet. or red. or the color of sunset

If I were an emotion, I would be:
~ happiness (if it is an emotion). sorrow, so whoever is in my state would look forward to happiness to come

If I were a vegetable, I would be:
~ turnips. everyone likes it. pang diet pa

If I were a song, I would be:
~ the national anthem. or faith of a child. or if it doesn't have to be a particular song, i'd be children's songs.

If I were a movie, I would be:
~ the lord of the rings. grand. good triumphs over evil pero not the happy ending that everyone would expect. (hay, wala lang ang akong maisip actually). ah! Shallow Hal! except that i'm not shallow

If I were a book, I would be:
~ one with sequels. series. parang wheel of time or sword of truth. madaming twists and turns.

If I were a place, I would be:
~ Mt.Banahaw. could be generous but could also deny you a lot of things. introduces yourself to you

If I were an object, I would be:
~ a brochure. para tuloy ang kampanya laban sa child trafficking, hehe :D

If I were a taste, I would be:
~ sweet. for all the sweets i eat

If I were a word, I would be:
~ veracity. hindi pala, happy.

If I were a body part I would be:
~ the head. with the brain that keeps every other parts working. the eyes that are windows to the world. the nose that takes in the freshness of the land after it rains. the ears that listen to the faintest heartbeat. the mouth that sucks in only what nature freely gives. the tongue that speaks truth. the lips that gently kiss. the cheeks that let tears roll on by and the same cheeks that welcome soft kisses.

If I were a facial expression I would be:
~ amused

If I were a subject in school I would be:
~ socio 101 ni Sir Lanuza. different. unconventional. stimulating. challenges the core of your being.

If I were a cartoon character I would be:
~ si marcelino pan y vino. cute siyang bata, makulit. marunong.

If I were a shape I would be:
~ round.

If I were a number I would be:
~ 4. 4ever. 4tune. 4tunate. 4play.
or i could be 1. 1derful. 2. 2liro. hehe.

8) :wink: :) :o :) :D :lol:

saw that on a billboard along e.rod. i've been passing by it everyday but i only noticed it this evening. i don't know what else was on the billboard, but i'm sure there was a sketch of Pope John Paul II along with it.

peace needs a lot of work to attain, and maintain. and smiles go a long way.

i remembered this: everytime i find it difficult to find a reason to thank any one for, and i see that person smiling (or remember an instance when s/he smiled), i thank that person for the smile. specially when the smile came in a particularly hectic or difficult time.

SMILE! :wink:

i guess no one could expect that things wouldn't change. well... they have, so to speak. i feel bad enough that thoughts of leaving my job have been playing in my mind since last year. that is, leaving if i don't get a raise. it's even worse that one of my co-workers is having something like a paradigm shift of sorts. :?

fate has made the decision for me. to stay put. i did not have to beg for the raise. and i did not have to leave a job that corresponds somewhat to my life's mission. but the same turn of events have also changed the way that our workplace feels like. well, it is still homey, and friendly of course. but there is also tension. i just hope that the new additions to our workforce won't feel the negativity and instead foster peace. or, i hope we find a better office space to rent, someplace where there is more room to breath. for all of us. soon.

there is a lot of work ahead of us. the whole year has been planned out for us already. but life is a bit uncertain for 2005. if nothing is done by the third quarter of this year. i might just consider a change of careers altogether.

my fellow guild member said it right, life as an adult is confusing. it really is.

i finally got my well-deserved raise! :lol: i am so happy about it, really. specially because ive been expecting it for sometime now. even the minimum age earners are waiting for their increase. plus, i really need to contribute for family expenditures.

my batchmates still earn way more than i do, but i don't care. at least i'm earning, and i love what i do. most of the time.

another thing that comes with my salary increase is the adjustment of my time at work, i really have to go to work earlier now, but i don't mind. cause i know i can go early if i really wanted to. besides, ive already decided i would, even without the increase. :)

another week has gone past... and what have i done with my time? hmmm... same old, same old. well actually, it wasn't such a stressful week for me. just right :lol:

and i couldn't help but feel relieved. :)

while i was away last week, my grandparents fell ill. my [i]lola[/i] (grandmother) was brought to the ER on tuesday. she hasn't been feeling well for awhile. and she is having tests for aplastic anemia. she was admitted into the hospital for pneumonia. she also had a bone marrow test.

then on thursday, while my grandma was out of her hospital room having tests done, my grandpa collapsed. he suffered a kind of mild stroke. good thing he was in the hospital, and that a cousin of mine was in the room too. he spent sometime in the ICU. i didn't know how to feel when i got the news. i wasn't sure whether to cry, to worry, to hurry home... i was numb for awhile. but i got around to praying. to staring at the lake and praying they both get well soon. was so relieved only when i got another message from my mom saying that lola may be released on saturday, and papa was being transferred out of the stroke ICU. anyway, they both got home today. lola in the afternoon, and papa early this evening. lola didnt know papa had a stroke until saturday. i dont think she knows how serious he was until now.

i only found out about these on friday, cause my mom lost the number i gave her where she could contact me. in a way, it was good too because by the time i got the information, they were both stabilized and out of harm's way. on the other hand, it sucked not knowing like that. i am really close to both grandparents. i grew up spending a lot of time with them. for sometime, i was the youngest grandchild, and they nearly spoiled me. :wink:

when i got home yesterday, my mom and i went straight to visit them at the hospital, and i spent sometime there. was also there today to look after my lola until the nurses were ready to send her home. my mom, my cousins, my brother, aunts/uncles, took turns taking care of both lola and papa. they stay in different rooms.

lola has bruises on her hands due to the number of times needles were stuck into her. papa has undergone therapy because his left side was weak. but they are both okay now, but both also need lots of rest and have to be very careful. i pray that they will have better health.

i've missed you tblog! hehe :P i have been, again, disconnected for more than a week... but for good reason.

our organization, together with NGO partners, conducted a seminar-workshop on the [b]UN Convention on the Rights of the Child[/b]. it was held in Lake Sebu, South Cotabato. a lovely place in the southern part of the Philippines. so far from here. hehe :D

it was worth all that time (a week) being disconnected from the rest of the world. for the first time, i didn't mind much that my mobile phone network did not reach the area, that i have no internet access, and no TV in my own room. the topic of the seminar was well worth all the preparations, the long trip, and the lack of unnecessary comforts in life. :P my knowledge on the CRC was enriched with all the experiences shared by our partners. and i really learned a lot.

V You have a very good physical and looks
E You are a very exciting person.
R You are a social butterfly
A You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.


this is fun try it...

A You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D You have trouble trusting people.
E You are a very exciting person.
F Everyone loves you.
G You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H You are not judgemental.
I You are always smiling & making others smile.
J Jealousy.
K You like to try new things.
L Love is something you deeply believe in.
M Success comes easily to you.
N You like to work, but you always want a break.
O You are very open-minded.
P You are very friendly and understanding.
Q You are a hypocrite.
R You are a social butterfly.
S You are very broad-minded.
T You have an attitude, a big one.
U You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V You have a very good physical and looks.
W You like your privacy .
X You never let people tell you what to do .
Y You cause a lot of trouble.
Z You're always fighting with someone

What does your name mean? Post!

borrowed this from ceeceesun's latest post.

the 'war president'

=http://www.danielsh.com/warpr...

and check out the blog of the person who actually made the mosaic at [url=http://amleft.blogspot.com/ar...]American Leftist[/url]

the first and hardest hit victims of any war are the children.

i had a haircut this evening. it's a totally new look for me. my hair is really short, the shortest i've had it cut for as long as i remember. i like it though. i feel lighter. and it should help me feel cooler this summer. hopefully. :)

now, if shedding pounds was as easy as cutting away the hair, i'd be paper thin right now. but paper thin is not what i aspire for. just the right body. :lol:

i haven't been blogging for more than a week. not because i have nothing to say but because, again, i've been quite busy. my neopets have also been neglected :cry:

but what i've been missing out on is reading other people's blogs. i really enjoy it, specially the blogs that i have links to. i learn a lot. and it gets me to think about my own life and my own issues.

i'm buying an MMS phone soon, i'm just waiting for the friend who's selling her phone. saved up a little and borrowed a LOT of dough from my bro so i can pay for it in full. it's a small nokia phone, 6100 i believe. it's second-hand but still in very good condition. and it comes with the camera attachment. can't wait to have my own phone again. the one i'm using right now is my boyfriend's phone. he let me use it when my cellphone was snatched around christmas.

him letting me borrow it is a big help. but him not having a cellphone is NOT. i mean, it's difficult to keep track of him! and i can't reach him when his home landline is busy. :x haha. :wink: the up-side though is that he also cannot reach me when i'm out somewhere with my friends. :wink:

(sorry, i'm a bit pissed off because i already wrote this really long and wonderful post but it didn't go through and i lost it... grr... but here goes...)

[b]nothing beats the first kiss[/b]. true. my guy has never looked more happy and flushed when we kiss than he did the first time we smooched. and i've never been more giddy than i was then. there are times though when some kisses are almost as good as the first :lol:

i was supposed to see this movie with some of my girlfriends last week but wasn't able to but i finally got to watch it with my guy yesterday.

[b]i loved it![/b] drew barrymore is so loveable and adam sandler is just such a ladies' man. and they have chemistry. they are so effective together on-screen.

there's really such a thing as losing the faculty for short-term memory. losing the ability to create new memories. i guess, Lucy should just be greatful that she has her memories from before the accident happened. but i have to read up on the illness more. to find out how (real) people and their familis cope with the condition. imagine if it happens to a young child. how will she grow up? i guess learning is not impaired, but i'm not so sure...

not a lot of people can find that kind of love. the love that patiently waits and does not take advantage of the other. true and pure love.

unconditional love can sometimes be tiring. because you love with all your heart without expecting anything in return. adam sandler's character's love was un-tiring. he has made it his quest to make drew fall in love with him everyday of their lives. he is so patient. so loving. he stood by her and held her hand as she thread through unknown grounds. he dedicated his life to her. he LOVED her when others would have walked out knowing they could never have a future with her. only today. every night he slept knowing that in the morning, he would go through it all over again. that he will have to introduce himseld, to remind her that he loves her. and to make her fall in love again. and yet, he did not give up. not even when he could walk away anytime and she wouldn't even know it.

but that's the easy part.

it's more frightening to not remember falling in love. to wake up each day and be reminded of a terrible accident that even your brain has prevented itself to have any imprints of. it is scary to have people tell you that life has gone on while you were still stuck to one singe day. there is nothing more frightening than knowing that you only have the past, and today to live, and no future to really, really look forward to. she must dread sleeping at night, knowing that the next time she opens her eyes, she will have no memory of how happy she was the previous day. there must be some days when she could not see the point of being happy because she knows she won't remember feeling so the next day. there were times when she must have felt so alone. so detached.

but there is nothing more comforting than the knowledge of someone who loves her so much. it must comfort her to hold henry's hand. to know that though she won't remember anything that happens today, that he will be around to tell her, to remind her. that he will still be there to love her and make her fall in love with him again. henry/adam is not only a partner or a lover. he is Lucy's guide. her pillar. because of him, the night is less scary. sleeping is less frightening. i guess Lucy is able to sleep soundly every night because she knows that her henry, and her family, will be around the next morning to hold her hand again. that they will be there to remind her of the life that she has.

i know that if it was me in her place, i'd be so frightened. so afraid of the uncertainty. that there would be more bad days than good. but i know too that having a family who understands and someone who truly loves me will make all the difference in the world.

though she forgets everyday that she's married, that she has a daughter. or that she even knows henry. the imprint of the love will always remain in her soul. and i guess that makes it easier to remember. easier to fall in love all over again each day.

the mind may forget but the heart never does. loving is in the realm of the heart. and learning to love may be in another part of the brain. though a part of the brain ceases to function, the others go on. and there will always be the memory of love. for the memory of love, of happiness, of being, can never be forgotten

[b]A[/b] - Age: [i]23[/i] in July
[b]B[/b] - Boylet: none. Boyfriend: [i]alfred[/i]
[b]C[/b] - Chore you hate: "least like" na lang - [i]magwalis/sweeping[/i]
[b]D[/b] - Dad's name: [i]danny[/i]
[b]E[/b] - Essential make up item: [i]lip gloss[/i]
[b]F [/b]- Favourite place in the house: [i]living room[/i]
[b]G[/b] - Gold or silver: [i]silver[/i]
[b]H[/b] - Hometown: [i]St. Andrew's Seminary, QC[/i]
[b]I [/b]- Instruments you play: [i]piano, guitar[/i]
[b]J[/b] - Job title: [i]training assistant[/i]
[b]K[/b] - Kids: [i]love 'em. :) [/i]
[b]L[/b] - Living arrangements: [i]with mom, dad, and kuya. extended family next door(s)[/i]
[b]M [/b]- Mom's name: [i]laura bernice (LB)[/i]
[b]N[/b] - Number of people you slept with: [i]hmm... in what way? slept NEXT to? hehe :) [/i]
[b]O[/b] - Overnight hospital stays: 0
[b]P[/b] - Phobia: [i]none that i know yet[/i]
[b]Q[/b] - Quote you like: [i]"to infinity and beyond!" - buzz lightyear (does this count?) la ko maisip e.[/i]
[b]R[/b] – Revered Person/s: [i]my mom and dad (do they count?) revered person/s... basta nakikibaka ng taos sa puso at walang halong kaplastikan. mga taong tunay na nagsisilbi sa Diyos, sa kapwa, at sa bayan at hindi sa sarili, pero kayang ipaglaban ang sarili. [/i]
[b]S[/b] – Scary experience: [i]flight back home after my first ever trip to a foreign land, biglang nagdive(?) yung plane... can't describe it... caused by a tail-end storm[/i]
[b]T[/b] - Time you wake up?: [i]6-7 am[/i]
[b]U[/b] - Unique habit: wouldn't know...
[b]V[/b] - Vegetable you refuse to eat: [i]used to be ampalaya and togue but not anymore... [/i]
[b]W[/b] - Worst habit: [i]procrastination[/i]
[b]X[/b] - X-rays you've had: [i]chest xray sa UP infirmary[/i]
[b]Y[/b] - Yummy food you make: [i]brownies, cheesecake brownies, chocolate cheesecake, blueberry chzcake, chocolate cake/cupcake... [/i]
[b]Z[/b] - Zodiac Sign: [i]cancer][/i]

being around my grade school classmates has led me to look back at who i was when they knew me. i was already on the chubby side even when i was a young girl. i was pretty, of course. :lol: i was one of the tallest girls in class too. and i guess i had my fairshare of admirers :P and i was a leader: a girlscout, student council president, schoolpaper EIC.

one interesting comment i got from charmaine, which jeny, everth and jason agreed to, was that me and my friends back then were, like, on a different level. that we were somewhat aloof to those outside our circle. according to jason, my friends and i were on the top floor, they were on the floor below it, or on the basement.

i don't think so! i had a lot of friends then. even from the other sections. jason himself was a friend even then. but i must admit, we kinda had a world of our own, my old friends and i. but you see, we sat next to each other. we were next to each other at the back of lines/queues. we spent a lot of time together. talked a lot. shared answers. hehe.

anyway, we're all like good friends now. as if we belonged to one big barkada in gradeschool. and it's a good thing too. :lol:

one difference is that, i am no longer exactly "tall." i stopped growing taller sometime in highschool. i don;t know why, but it also happened at the same time i started putting on weight. my growth was lateral instead of on a vertical plane. haha :lol: i'm still pretty and smart though :D

i was also asked why i left trinity in highschool. this was asked of me more than once. i believe it was the pressure to excel, to lead, to be a good girl, that pushed me away. i was so afraid of entering highschool with the huge baggage of my classmates' and teachers' expectations on my back. i wanted to go somewhere where i could be inconspicuous. for the most part, i found that in sjc.

sometimes i feel like i missed out on some things by leaving trinity college. specially when i miss my old friends, being a girlscout, and the boys. :wink: but i don't regret leaving either. and if i had to make the decision again, i would still choose to leave.

sheila was with us last night. i think she was one of my first bestfriends ever. we were classmates since pre-school days. we grew apart through the years and had separate groups of friends as we went on through grade school, but we remained friends. as i would like to think. :) we totally lost contact in highschool through college. and it was the first time we saw each other again in 10 years. she looks so much prettier now. she grew taller too.

she inspires me to look better, too. heehee :D

thanks to ceeceesun, i've come across this great site for people who are looking for much needed support for their weight loss programs. great site for me :lol:

i am still exploring the site and trying to learn as much as i can from it and the experiences of its administrators and members. i still don't know how i can maximize the suggestions and the materials they have, but i have a feeling that this can be something to help me go farther along in my quest for a healthier body. :wink:

oh yeah, check it out at [url=http://www.3fatchicks.com]3fatchicks[/url]

i've registered to use their message boards and i'm still thinking of signing up for their journals....

i still haven't had the opportunity to test drive my bathing suit. hopefully i can tomorrow (sunday) morning.

this morning, after a fun night with my gradeschool batchmates, we decided to end our gimik night by going to the baywalk for breakfast and to see the sunrise. unfortunately, we did not see the sunrise because the sun was already up when we got there. heehee. :lol: it was nice to look at the sea again. an unobstructed view of Manila Bay and the passing boats or the docked ones. there were young boys taking a dip on the clear but smelly water.

it was a peaceful end to a night out with friends. a peaceful start to a new day.

we didn't get to have breakfast though. all we had to eat was [i]taho[/i]. yummy! and we listened to the music that served as background for the aerobics session that was ongoing. it's a free exercise thingie available for anyone who wants to join in. it looked like fun. looked to me as though it was one of those workouts that combined aerobics and jazz, or something like that. would be nice to go back there to work out sometime. :) but i would need to drag my parents there too, though. cause i don't drive. and it would be difficult to commute so early and still be back home early enough to prepare for work.

earlier this week, i bought me a bathing suit! nothing too revealing though because i'm not THAT comfortable with my skin yet. it's a one piece suit in dark blue. with (what do you call them?) some design on the sides. i look good in it. it hides much of my big tummy. hehe :D

it's been soooo long since i last fit into a bathing suit. sooo long since i last wore one to swim. i used to love swimming, i still do. my dad and i used to go night swimming at this hotel near our area.

it's good exercise. and i really believe that i wasn't to huge before because of our night swimming. and ive always wanted to go back to the hobby but being so huge has prevented me because i look so gross in a suit. now that i'm seriously trying to lose weight, i found it fitting to buy a swimsuit so i could go to this olympic sized pool at the stadium near here and do some laps every now and then.

can't wait.

last night's american idol episode that was shown on Star World was about the rejects. i've always wondered who that William Hung was that was the most searched topic on yahoo, but i never bothered to look at the sites. when i saw him on the show last night, it all came back to me. my whole family has watched the show since it started being aired here a couple of weeks (month?) ago and Hung was one of those who auditioned that was really memorable. my dad, in particular, was so amused by him. "she bangs, she bangs! yeah baby, she moves, she moves!" :lol:

but the thing is, he is not bitter about being rejected. specially so because being a reject has already changed his life dramatically. he is so popular now and has been invited to guest at several TV talk shows.

but that's not really my point.

some of the other rejects are indeed good singers, or at least, they sang better during last night's show than they did on their auditions. i say SOME, not all. like that army girl. she could be a great entertainer. but maybe not american idol type. maybe not for a pop star. and there was another guy that's also good. but maybe he's more suitable as a theater actor/singer.

anyway... it's really surprising how many of those who auditioned for american idol really have no talent for singing. i mean, there are also competitions here in the philippines that are similar to american idol, and i don't think that young people who CAN'T sing even bother to audition. contests to become TV actors are another thing though, because even those who can't act audition for those.

but perhaps i'm wrong. i guess people who can't sing will still audition for something like the american idol if they think it is their ticket to stardom. in societies where there is much desperation, and getting rich is the only way out, showbusiness and politics are the only sure fire tickets to paradise. or death. or working abroad. and it does not matter whether one has no talent for singing or acting, or that one has no experience nor background in governance and/or law-making.

but let me go back to William Hung. i was wondering if he is aware that people find him amusing, even funny. i guess he is. and i guess that because he has such a good outlook in life, it doesn't matter to him whether a lot of people were initially laughing at him. because no one is laughing now, i guess. people now like watching him, because he's a good person to see to forget the troubles of the day. and just like any other comedian, he entertains.

he said that he's a struggling singer. and that he struggles with most anything in his life. don't we all? that's one thing that endears him to so many people. his honesty. plus the fact that his "struggle" so mirrors the struggles of so many young people today. but his attitude is something that not many possess, and there he can sure teach a lot of us.

if there's one thing we can learn from Hung, it's that we don't have to be a LOSER in life even if we are rejected by certain people or certain groups. LOSER is an attitude and a brand one gives oneself.